Abdul Rahim Ismail-He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother..


14th July is here again..
Today marks the 6th year of my beloved elder brother’s passing.
How much it feels like yesterday.. How I just need to close my eyes and still feel his presence- no kidding.

*You were the biggest bully I knew 1st in my life.. Really, the biggest EVER.

*You were so irritating me always, and I will never forget the daunting trauma of being tickled almost to death by you one night when our mother went to her night-shift work leaving us siblings on our own.. It’s really not funny, I cried even!

*You would never ever give up on telling me in full-blown detail on everything and anything that caught your fancy at the moment: the latest song you like, the latest band/artist you discovered, the chocolate/snack/drink that you found, tried and force feed me, the next Queen/Malmsteen/Abba/bla bla bla album or song that you’re so madly in love with..

*You’d make me rewind repeatedly on the hi-fi sooo many songs, so that i’ll ‘catch’ the lyrics for you.. No Internet then.

*You’d wake me up from my deep sleep just to tell me the most trivial of things..
These ‘trivial’ things were never that of course, now I know. They were your own ‘prophecies’, that you just have to share with your baby sis. Issues you foresaw the future will have & hate-the not so good of CPF, the destruction of many things on Earth, my love life, our family stuffs, Islam and its many misconceptions, and also your passing…

*You’d argue, debate, delve into sleepless n endless discourses with me on too many subjects under the sky.. And still able to be soft-spoken, smile and have none of your feathers ruffled. Unlike me. I grow talons; to pull my own hair and gouge my eyes out out of frustration sometimes, after our sessions..

*You’d always reprimand and taunt me endlessly for the littlest silliest honest mistake I do; you were MY worst critic EVER! I’d cry quietly sometimes in the bathroom, after your very ‘soft’ telling off.. N you’ll always be reminding me the mistakes I did. You just don’t give up.

…Till the very end; you don’t give up.
You never give up being the special soul you are.
You left us all just weeks after turning 30, and you knew you were going all along. You even gave our mother an advanced bday wish a couple of days before you left. Her bday’s on 21st July..

You didn’t give up being you, my personal big bully who toughened me up so that NOBODY in school or life bullies me.

You made me be very street-wise, set me thinking without the damn box. You never shy away from praising me when I deserve it, and if only you knew how I cried quietly too, when you tell me you’re proud of me, or when you complimented me..

I’m in awe of you, and will always be.
You were always so filled with love, soft-spoken, polite and gentle- yet your wit, truth and sarcasm can be darn heavy for the unwilling ears to hear and the unpassionate heart to linger on.
But you were never too heavy for me, brother. I miss you always, even though I know you’re in a better place. I’m selfish like that still, you see..

Rest well in peace, my friend, bully and much beloved brother..
Till we meet again and talk about Freddie Mercury and the damned CPF. Again. Only this time, I’ll tell you that you were so fucking right all along. πŸ™‚

“This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you..”
-@Don McLean@-
(Lyrics: Vincent; Starry Starry Night)

Pic for the soul..


[42:25] “He is the One that accepts repentance from His Servants and forgives sins: and He knows all that ye do.”

Good morning everybody. Woke up even earlier than Subuh, even though hubby and I watched 2 movies till 3.30am.. Thanks to the ice lemon tea, Sprite and swigs of water during the movies, my bladder is of course fuller than full.. No surprises. πŸ™‚

Found this pic a coupla days ago, and was touched at how much this old man is emoting.. The lines on his face says it all. One may even envy and cannot deny the closeness and the unashamed outpouring he is having in this moment with Him. It makes me think twice about rushing through my prayers..

Lets take our time. Breathe deeply through your nostrils, and exhale out through your mouth… God IS as close to us as our breath.

Have a very lazy, slow, chillaxing and joyful Sunday everyone.. Aren’t Sundays supposed to be like that anyway huh!..

In fact, I’m even hoping for rain-as usual, me being the ardent rain fan. No, not the Korean superstar singer/actor/whatever.. The real RAIN, people! Its been awhile since this island’s got any.. Peace. πŸ˜‰



Good morning all.. Woke up at 5.40am.
Not so good thing about being pregnant is the baby conquers your tummy; and your bladder doesn’t hold much. Your sleep is interrupted. A lot.

Good thing is, I get to hear the Adzan Subuh (sunrise prayer calls) almost everyday. AND my flat, a special one, has a void deck which houses a little mosque or ‘surau’. I get to hear these calls ‘live’ 5 times everyday! And it’s simply beautiful to hear the soft & melodious Adzan in the sleepy dawn, when I’m awakened on my many toilet trips.. It sobers me, simply.

Although honestly it’s hard to resist going back to sleep, it’s sometimes harder still to ignore the conscience prick of doing my duties as a Muslim.. Hey, I failed at times but I try ok..

This baby is creating good habits for me. Subhanaallah. (Glory be to Allah)
Little miracle indeed. πŸ™‚


Syukur Alhamdulillah.. (translates to : Thank you Allah!)

Ok, I think it should be "Gratitude is Everything". But I'm a sick stickler.

Oh, just right after posting my ranting about the rarity of jobs coming my way by the spa, I received a call right after from them. But whaddaya know, wrong number! They wanted to call my colleague, Wendy instead.. Bummer.

Then few minutes later- another call. This time it can’t be wrong. They need me for tomoro, Thurs & Friday too. Treatments have been booked in too in fact, and I cannot for the life of me, recall telling them the days that I can work this week.. Hmmm. Guess, I have many invisible helpers eh?

See, greed is good BUT Gratitude is THE HIGHER GOOD. πŸ™‚