Thank you very nice! And happy 2013 to you too!


This is me, sometimes. Please tell me it IS you too. Thank you!


Hello dear all!

2nd week of 2013, and I am sure a bit too late to wish you a happy new year.. I make no excuses for my haphazard blogging, and I intend to do something about that for sure. Right after I am done doing a lot of nothing. Haha.

I would like to wish you the best for this year, really. And what is the best? Well, to me- it simply means paying enough attention to be able to weigh in the many things to be grateful for and simply living, learning and experiencing from the best or worst of it. Yes, we may be handed out shit sandwiches from time to time, but insyaallah- may we be blessed with the clarity and help we need to get us through. Now, that’s what I pray for you all dear bloggers and readers.

I will try, I will try, I will try....

I will try, I will try, I will try….

Amin.. 🙂

Say goodbye, not knowing when..

Dear all,

Its been awhile. Recent times have seen me in a couple of surprises related to work.

We were told that a big spa operator is taking over our spa and the club is releasing us to them. This was of course a big shock to my poor colleagues. Anxiety and doubts arise immediately, and impending gloom surrounds their countenances.

I have gone through a transfer like this, but only the other way round as my ex spa were the tenants of the club. I joked that this felt like ‘our parents are disowning us’.. Not funny of course in any sense, but I have been known to laugh at the most darkest of events. Perhaps that’s a trait that all of us could do with in life.

Next was our op manager (our Boss) is leaving to greener pastures. This sure is happy news of course, I was happy for him but when this was told after the initial transfer shock, of course it didnt come easy.

Anyway, it didnt take me long to realize that THIS transfer is for the best. If you can’t do what you oughta do, better to pass it along to the ‘experts’.. And in another bittersweet realization, I have come to embrace the lesson that if/when you do not know how/when to say goodbye, letting go and letting God lead you is best.

 I shall follow.

A fruitful weekend!

What a lovely weekend I had! On Saturday 21st April, right after a nice cool shower at work, I headed down to Ar Rabitah Mosque and met  my sister (who was informed last min) to catch Keelat Theatre Ensemble‘s interactive retelling of Prophet Moses (a.s) at the junction of the 2 oceans. Here, as written in the Quran on Surah 18 Al-Kahfi (The Cave), Moses met the Wise One from Allah. The Wise One was said to be Khidr. I have always been quite enchanted by the stories of Khidr, they are always mysterious.

I chanced upon this site dedicated comprehensively to Khidr, Very interesting indeed, as he is known as The Green Man. Green IS my favourite colour too. Gene Sha Rudyn was as hypnotising and thought provoking  as I remembered him years ago, at Substation- my 1st time as part of his audience. I look forward to witnessing more from him and Keelat Theatre Ensemble!

From one mosque to another, come Sunday morning I found myself all rised up early to make my way to Al Khair Mosque to attend Club Heal‘s Volunteer Training Session.

From Club Heal’s blog:

About Us

Mission: Club HEAL (Hope, Empowerment, Acceptance & Love) is a non-profitable society that aims to assist and empower persons with mental illness to regain confidence in themselves and others in their journey towards community reintegration.

Vision: To eradicate the stigma surrounding persons with mental illnesses, thereby breaking unnecessary barriers to their recovery process

Club HEAL has recently been registered with the Registry of Societies in 2012 (Reg No.: T12SS0028K) by a group of like-minded individuals who have a strong passion in helping people with mental illnesses and their family members to lead a fulfilling and stigma-free life. The team consists of doctors, nurses, lawyers and many others from various walks of life who hold this cause dearly in their hearts.

The club runs a psychiatric rehabilitation day care service in which psycho-education and supportive counseling to persons with mental illness and their families will be provided.

While Club HEAL caters to the needs of Muslims, we welcome all persons with mental illness, regardless of race or religion.

Patron: Mdm Halimah Yacob, Minister of State for the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports

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Mengenai Kami

Misi: Kelab HEAL (Harapan, Pemerkasaan, Redha & Kasih Sayang) adalah sebuah pertubuhan tanpa-raih-untung yang bertujuan untuk membantu dan memperkasakan orang yang mempunyai penyakit mental supaya mereka dapat capai semula keyakinan  diri dan hidup bersesuaian dalam masyarakat.

Visi: Menghapuskan stigma terhadap orang-orang yang menghidapi penyakit mental, justeru memecahkan tembok penghalang bagi proses pemulihan mereka.

Kelab HEAL telah didaftarkan dengan Pejabat pendaftaran Pertubuhan 2012 (No. Reg: T12SS0028K) oleh sekumpulan individu yang mempunyai semangat yang kuat untuk membantu pesakit mental dan ahli keluarga mereka untuk menjalani hidup bebas dari stigma. Kumpulan ini terdiri daripada pakar-pakar doktor, jururawat, peguam dan orang-orang dari pelbagai lapisan masyarakat.

Kelab ini akan menjalankan perkhidmatan pemulihan psikiatri di mana psiko-pendidikan, sesi terapi dan kaunseling kepada individu yang menghidapi penyakit mental dan keluarga mereka akan disediakan.

Walaupun Kelab HEAL didirikan untuk memenuhi keperluan umat Islam, pintu kami terbuka kepada semua orang yang mengidapi penyakit mental, tanpa mengira bangsa atau agama.

Penaung: Puan Halimah Yacob, Menteri Negara, Kementerian Pembangunan Masyarakat, Belia dan Sukan

I love the fact that the website is on dual language! I look forward to learning more from the Training Sessions ahead, and would love to be able to contribute what I can to this noble mission. Insyaallah..

Why? Simply because I can and I want to. I was diagnosed with clinical depression in my early twenties by a trusted GP, (nobody in my family knows) but I was blessed me with a lot of good things that kept me busy, and one of it was my very keen interest in Aromatherapy. I found a strong liking to Ylang Ylang, and I am not surprised to know that it is known for its hormone-balancing effects.

I went through post natal depression just last year after giving birth to my dearest Shaq. I felt the darkness, and the sobering loneliness it brings. I cried everyday, and remembering feeling so numb and vacant but yet oh-so-weak. Alhamdulillah, I turned to my mum and husband, and also tried my best to keep my faith and pray to Allah as much as I can without curling into a ball on the floor and drenched in tears. I also know what I went through are probably just little whispers compared to the loud and clanging sufferings mental patients are going through. One of the worse things that is being experienced still is the stigma that mental illness carries. This we learned from the training session, thanks to Club Heal’s team of experts.

May Club Heal succeed in giving Hope, educating to provide Empowerment, build Acceptance and to instil Love among the givers and of course, the receivers. Insyaallah. Amin..

34 weeks and lovin’ it!


Today marks my 34wks into the pregnancy.. According to my 3 iPhone pregnancy applications (yeah, I need 3) Superboy is about the size of a pineapple.. Only this fruit in me has the sharpest jabs, hooks and kicks that can render me almost breathless n make me stop midway whatever I’m doing due to the might he has! Wah lau, chill boy! 🙂 And they say as the later weeks comes on, baby will hv lesser movements.. Yeah right. Tell that to him, he can hear you fully well now; with his hearing functions fully developed. But dont think he’ll listen to you though! Haha..

Anyway, I hv not been doing much really. Like, really really. Being nimble, agile and mobile is not how I’d describe me- no siree! Been resting more, taking breaths are quite a luxury too.. When I read for my lazy hubby; it feels like I’ve done an hour of yoga, ate 2 donuts and walked 1km.. Yeowza!

Haha. I think I need yet another massage, the last one being only 9 days ago in my own treatment room by Ibu Siti, a very good recommendation by Zee.. Sigh. My lower back is undeniably strong, but the ache has been adding on more than a bit. Both me hands are positively quite swollen too; left wrist has been addled by CTS- carpal tunnel syndrome. Paining wor!! Worst in the morning.. Reiki-ed it, got better, and then it will come again.. Guess I hv to just sit this one out till after birth; since it’s quite a common preg syndrome.. Hmmm.

What I’ve been doing alot is reading as many articles on labour, birth and all the undesirable situations that may/may not happen; and watching loads of childbirth videos.. You name it-natural, homebirth, waterbirth, C-section, hospital, squatting, drugless, drugged, unassisted, “en caul”- bet you didn’t know that last one eh! It’s when the mother delivers the baby with the amniotic sac still on! Truly miraculous!
Check it out here:

I found this evidence-based website very helpful and very generous with things we oughta know and compare.. Like,”cephalopelvic disproportion” (CPD – a baby too big to fit vaginally). I remembered long ago, from reading Vimala McClure’s Infant Massage book about women having told ‘the baby is too big for the pelvis to be delivered naturally’.. A very very common myth that has garnered much fame.

A lot of what we know that goes on in the hospitals today are for the convenience of staffs and nurses; not for us the mothers and babies who are supposed to be the ‘main stars’ here.. It’s very unsettling really. There was a time when giving birth is a very natural, home bound event that’s truly medical n drug free. I mean, the many many older people that we know today were born at home, not hospitals. Earlier during my pregnancy, I’ve discussed with hubby on having a home birth- but tru finding facts and figures out, I learnt that homebirths are not very much supported unless you have the bigger budget of having a doula (birth assistant), a private obstetrician and the necessary emergency precautions that can cost you more than you know. Gone were the days when midwives or ‘Mak Bidan’ are the only person you need to count on to help the baby’s journey out.. So much humdrum with modernity. Just bring this ol’ soul back to the good ol’ days! It’d be nice to hv a choice and to have it easier on you just cos you don’t wanna hv a hospital birth. In America there are birthing centres, where I think I’d most likely to go to if not giving birth at home. I guess I’m going to hv to write out that birthing plan and have my hubby read it out like The Ten Commandments at the labour ward when D-Day arrives.

FYI, we are not going to have a personal suite- we are “subsidised patients”, sounds like a dirty term I know. I, who have tens of thousands in my Medisave account cannot use it to fully finance at this time of need, to secure me the most comfy and private boudoir, thus denying my husband to be sleeping with me in the ward. Because according to the government’s means testing results, I can only use $2100 of my Medisave funds, the rest must be paid in cold hard cash. (about $2200-$3700) I can breathe out angry fire and smoke just thinking of the blatant injustice of it. Like as if that’s not a huge amount! But I have it n more in the Medisave account and its my very hard earned money you know? N yet i cannot use it to fully finance my 1st childbirthing experience. See, these are just some of the things that my late bro absolutely hated and fought silently against when he was still around… Bless him.

Anyway, the husband and I settled for having the non-private, non-aircon room which requires no hard cash deposit. I’m kinda antsy about the non aircon situation.. As it is, I’m sleeping with both AC n fan on at night.. AC is always put to timer though.. Gets too cold even for me, the walking incubator. My poor hubby who’s been covering and blanketing up right up to his nose, just to accommodate me! Haha.. 🙂

Today one of the preg app, suggested doing something for my lil bub. Writing him his 1st love letter. From a woman who will fight tru oceans of Nereids, catch the Rainbow, and die for him. His 1st true love. Will do it tonight when this woman’s other love is playing his Texas Poker or whatever games that’s tickling his fancy.. Ought to be fun! 🙂 🙂


Abdul Rahim Ismail-He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother..


14th July is here again..
Today marks the 6th year of my beloved elder brother’s passing.
How much it feels like yesterday.. How I just need to close my eyes and still feel his presence- no kidding.

*You were the biggest bully I knew 1st in my life.. Really, the biggest EVER.

*You were so irritating me always, and I will never forget the daunting trauma of being tickled almost to death by you one night when our mother went to her night-shift work leaving us siblings on our own.. It’s really not funny, I cried even!

*You would never ever give up on telling me in full-blown detail on everything and anything that caught your fancy at the moment: the latest song you like, the latest band/artist you discovered, the chocolate/snack/drink that you found, tried and force feed me, the next Queen/Malmsteen/Abba/bla bla bla album or song that you’re so madly in love with..

*You’d make me rewind repeatedly on the hi-fi sooo many songs, so that i’ll ‘catch’ the lyrics for you.. No Internet then.

*You’d wake me up from my deep sleep just to tell me the most trivial of things..
These ‘trivial’ things were never that of course, now I know. They were your own ‘prophecies’, that you just have to share with your baby sis. Issues you foresaw the future will have & hate-the not so good of CPF, the destruction of many things on Earth, my love life, our family stuffs, Islam and its many misconceptions, and also your passing…

*You’d argue, debate, delve into sleepless n endless discourses with me on too many subjects under the sky.. And still able to be soft-spoken, smile and have none of your feathers ruffled. Unlike me. I grow talons; to pull my own hair and gouge my eyes out out of frustration sometimes, after our sessions..

*You’d always reprimand and taunt me endlessly for the littlest silliest honest mistake I do; you were MY worst critic EVER! I’d cry quietly sometimes in the bathroom, after your very ‘soft’ telling off.. N you’ll always be reminding me the mistakes I did. You just don’t give up.

…Till the very end; you don’t give up.
You never give up being the special soul you are.
You left us all just weeks after turning 30, and you knew you were going all along. You even gave our mother an advanced bday wish a couple of days before you left. Her bday’s on 21st July..

You didn’t give up being you, my personal big bully who toughened me up so that NOBODY in school or life bullies me.

You made me be very street-wise, set me thinking without the damn box. You never shy away from praising me when I deserve it, and if only you knew how I cried quietly too, when you tell me you’re proud of me, or when you complimented me..

I’m in awe of you, and will always be.
You were always so filled with love, soft-spoken, polite and gentle- yet your wit, truth and sarcasm can be darn heavy for the unwilling ears to hear and the unpassionate heart to linger on.
But you were never too heavy for me, brother. I miss you always, even though I know you’re in a better place. I’m selfish like that still, you see..

Rest well in peace, my friend, bully and much beloved brother..
Till we meet again and talk about Freddie Mercury and the damned CPF. Again. Only this time, I’ll tell you that you were so fucking right all along. 🙂

“This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you..”
-@Don McLean@-
(Lyrics: Vincent; Starry Starry Night)

Pic for the soul..


[42:25] “He is the One that accepts repentance from His Servants and forgives sins: and He knows all that ye do.”

Good morning everybody. Woke up even earlier than Subuh, even though hubby and I watched 2 movies till 3.30am.. Thanks to the ice lemon tea, Sprite and swigs of water during the movies, my bladder is of course fuller than full.. No surprises. 🙂

Found this pic a coupla days ago, and was touched at how much this old man is emoting.. The lines on his face says it all. One may even envy and cannot deny the closeness and the unashamed outpouring he is having in this moment with Him. It makes me think twice about rushing through my prayers..

Lets take our time. Breathe deeply through your nostrils, and exhale out through your mouth… God IS as close to us as our breath.

Have a very lazy, slow, chillaxing and joyful Sunday everyone.. Aren’t Sundays supposed to be like that anyway huh!..

In fact, I’m even hoping for rain-as usual, me being the ardent rain fan. No, not the Korean superstar singer/actor/whatever.. The real RAIN, people! Its been awhile since this island’s got any.. Peace. 😉



Good morning all.. Woke up at 5.40am.
Not so good thing about being pregnant is the baby conquers your tummy; and your bladder doesn’t hold much. Your sleep is interrupted. A lot.

Good thing is, I get to hear the Adzan Subuh (sunrise prayer calls) almost everyday. AND my flat, a special one, has a void deck which houses a little mosque or ‘surau’. I get to hear these calls ‘live’ 5 times everyday! And it’s simply beautiful to hear the soft & melodious Adzan in the sleepy dawn, when I’m awakened on my many toilet trips.. It sobers me, simply.

Although honestly it’s hard to resist going back to sleep, it’s sometimes harder still to ignore the conscience prick of doing my duties as a Muslim.. Hey, I failed at times but I try ok..

This baby is creating good habits for me. Subhanaallah. (Glory be to Allah)
Little miracle indeed. 🙂